Today wasn't the greatest of days
Let me just say it and get it over with. Today was one of those days that you would just as soon forget. Everyone knows that I've had cerebral palsy since birth, but how many of you know that I've also had a chronic kidney disease all of my life? I didn't know either until a few years ago when some abnormalities showed up in my blood work and i went in for an ultrasound, The news today is that the kidney is progressively getting worse. Ouch! How worse? I don't need dialysis yet. Did i mention the transplant that comes after that. I know how to deal with the cerebral palsy. It's been a part of my identity all of my life. But this, this is different. i'm not quite sure what to do with this, except perhaps to go to my God and pray that even this too might somehow reveal God's strength through yet another weakness. For those of you who might think i'm saying that with all kinds of faith and peace, i'm not! It's just that when everything is said and done, there's really no where else to go except to the foot of the cross.
I appreciate you being honest. It doesn't take faith to say "life is messy and complicated", but it does take faith to say "my life is messy and complicated, yet though he slay me I will trust him." Thanks for leading the way in praising our God who is not a vending machine.
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I wish I had something profoundly meaningful to say in response, but I don't. I'm tired and my mind isn't as cogent as I'd like it to be at the moment.
Wouldn't it be great if God WAS like a vending machine? All it'd take is for you to do certain things, say certain prayers... do all the right rituals and you'd get power/your desire. Sounds pretty magical to me. And I mean that only in half-jest if you understand the nature of how magic often works... ;)
But then you'd miss out on all the complexities that we all know and love about our God. That he is relational is by no means insignificant, and the way he plays out in his relationship with us... well, that certainly affects our theology, doesn't it?
Thus bringing me back to a conversation I had with my friend last night about our biography being deeply interwoven into our theology. I think you see that throughout the Bible. Think Job, Jonah, Paul, Peter, John... and how their life plays into what they believe and how they act. Each one has a different theology, and that's too overwhelming for me to process at the moment.
Anyway, I don't know how I got to that or where I was going with it. Like I said, I'm tired. -_-
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